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Showing posts from May, 2014

Fighting a war inside myself

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I have been fighting a massive battle inside my mind, and I feel the need to get some of this out. This is for me to purge, and is for anyone who may be having the same issues I am.

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time then you would know that I have been working really hard to get into better shape, and to take off weight. I have lost and kept off fifty pounds. I am certainly proud of that. I have also gotten to the point where I can walk a 5k like it is nothing. I can do a full zumba class and come out the other side just a little winded. I have come a really long way.

But then I started to read the body positive movement posts and the healthy at every size movement. And I started to feel unnecessarily ashamed of my efforts and my desire to change my body. I started to feel guilty that I can't just love my body, and I have such a drive to lose weight. The guilt made me shame eat which led to me gaining weight, which made me feel worse, and cue vicious cycle.…

My life in pictures

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Reflection under a full moon

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Loss is a strange thing. This week the world lost quite suddenly a wonderful man, with whom I was acquainted. He was the original Viking from the Lost Vikings, a reenactment group I have been a member of for many years. He was the one who administered my test to become a pinned Ren Geek for being a member of the board alt.fairs.renaissance. He blew the horn for my husband when he joined the horde. He was an ever-present character at the Ashville Viking Festival and the Ohio Renaissance Festival. Eddval was an impressive and welcoming figure.
I mourn his loss in the strangest way. We were not close friends, but he was someone I had always hoped to get closer to. There just always seemed to be a reason that we could not go to events, or that we would not be around. But I always thought there was time, and now that the time has worn out I am mourning having let the opportunity pass me by. I wish I had been this mans friend. I wish I had asked him more questions. I wish I had truly known…